Sometimes I hate the way I am. I hate that I try to protect people that have no meaning to me. I hate that I protect those that mean so much to me as well. I hate that me being so overly caring doesn’t bring me up and it only brings me down. I’m constantly putting others before myself, thinking of their feeling before mine, thinking about the outcome for them in a situation before I think of the outcome for me.
My best friend is not who she used to be. Not the girl that would stand behind the plate and catch my pitches at a softball game. Not the girl that would stay up late into the night and call me crying, asking for my help and advice. Not the girl that had self-respect. That girl I don’t know anymore and probably will never know again. I did everything for her, I would wake up at 4:00am to drive to her house and bring her cookies because she called me crying and just didn’t want to be alone. I would sit there in her driveway with her for hours until she was okay again. I’ve never missed a phone call, text, FaceTime, snapchat, nothing. I’ve always answered her and never not been there, and she repays me by giving boys the chance to use her, lie to her, betray her. But she doesn’t see what’s wrong with having sex with these boys that treat her like shit, have sex with her, get naked pictures, have sexual FaceTime calls with her, and then once they are satisfied.. They never talk to her again. They walk past her in the halls as if she’s not even there.
When she comes to me everyday complaining about how a guy is treating her and how she did all these things with him and now he won’t respond to her texts, won’t even read them.
Am I wrong for asking her to stop coming to me and talking to me about all these boys when it’s been going on for three years nonstop? Am I wrong for not wanting to hear about these piece of shit ‘men’ hurting my best friend? I hate seeing her hurt but now I’m just to the point where I HATE everything she says about almost anything because it ALWAYS has to do with a guy.. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel about anything because I’m already so numb from it all. I’m tired of the stress she’s going through, being the thing that stresses me out more than my own stress.. I’m tired of it all…
- Diane Von Furstenberg (via kushandwizdom)